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A client of mine, whom I've shared some stories about before (both here and in our private Facebook group) has transformed her lifestyle and mindset over the last couple years together. Even as positive change and progress happens for any of us, we need to remember to keep an open mind to continue to learn more about ourselves. This story is just another example of how this woman continues to create positive change in not only her lifestyle, but in this case, her mindset.
My client is an insomniac. Self-diagnosed. However, it was a discussion with her and her doctor in the past as she was starting menopause. The doctor did discuss sleep becoming a possible issue, which has continued post-menopause. Shall we call this a "hybrid diagnosis"? 🤔
Insomnia is a sleep disorder that makes it difficult to fall asleep, stay asleep, or both, even when you have the opportunity to do so. (Please note, occasional difficulty sleeping is normal). Since my client and I met, we have delved into sleep and sleep practices here and there, but nothing overly specific just yet.
Heading into late 2024, she was more regularly coming in complaining about her sleep. The common theme was that when I would ask how it's been going she would use words like "well last night" or "the past 2-3 nights". It was always a very recent and very short time period overall. But (as most of us do), she was dwelling on the "not so good" sleep most of the time and she was beginning to let it consume her and how she presented herself in these conversations.
After a couple weeks of this scattered throughout her twice per week sessions with me, I challenged her with a thought: "Are these nights MOST nights of the week? Or just the last couple nights?" To which she really couldn't answer this question definitively. I asked over the course of any conversations with her questions such as "How is your energy levels? How do you feel most days?" To which she replies "Good".
Side Note: Remember this client DOES suffer from insomnia. However, she also (over our couple years together) consistently mentions how her health practices and mindset that she has cultivated has CHANGED HER LIFE. Most days, she feels good and ready for whatever the day brings. This is a good reminder that we don't need to hit the "panic button" or stress about perfection - Clearly good things are happening.
I reminded her that our mind loves to tell stories. We create these stories and narratives in our minds, that are NOT our reality. These stories often blind us to what ACTUALLY IS! Especially when they are more on the negative side.
With that, I gave her a challenge. I challenged her over the next 3-4 weeks, to draw a happy face if she had a decent night's sleep (for her) and a sad face if she struggled. I also challenged her to do her best to not judge any of it along the way. Just draw whichever face each day brings on her calendar. THEN, after the 3-4 weeks look at the bigger picture; How many happy faces vs sad faces do you see?
As always, this client was more than willing and open to doing this experiment. 🙂 And guess what she discovered??
Over the period of 30-days of tracking.... she had NINE sad faces.
NINE!!
-NINE days out of 30 days is LESS THAN half of the days in the last month.
-That means 30% of her sleeps are "not great".
-Which also means, MOST nights she's sleeping good, for her.
How we identify ourselves MAY be holding us back
Again - this woman is an insomniac. However, as she continues to change her lifestyle in positive ways, the more often she identifies as an insomniac, the more she will continue to make that her reality and strengthen that belief and energy. When we let the internal dialogue become the driver of our days, we tend to follow that path. Yet, when we look at the data - she has more positives happening than not when it comes to her sleep:
She feels "good" more days than not
Her energy levels are good most days
30% of her nights in the past month were "off" nights for her sleep
Is her sleep "perfect"? Nope.
Is there such thing as "perfect"? Not at all.
Does it need to be "perfect" to feel good and be healthy? Nay Nay.
What IS happening, is she is in the habit (as most of us are) of letting ONE or even TWO "off nights" become her "reality". One or two off nights becomes "who she is" or how she feels throughout her days and dictates what that inner voice is telling her. Yet when we slow down and collect some simple pieces of information about the BIGGER PICTURE, her reality becomes more evident. She's doing better than she even realizes. 🙂
We will always have "good" and "bad" days
One off day doesn't define you or your health.
One off day doesn't need to be disected or analyzed with the idea that we'll prevent it from ever happening again (you won't).
"Good" and "Bad" days are natural. They are part of life. And there doesn't need to be any further explanation.
The question is; Do you have more "good" days compared to "bad" days? If the answer is yes, you're doing JUST FINE. Especially if your body/mind, most days, is saying the same thing. 👍
We don't need perfection to be healthy and lead a healthy, happy lifestyle. This is a great reminder that looking at a single day or snapshot in time DOES NOT provide you with what is REALLY happening. Look at the bigger picture. Look at changes OVER TIME to really see progress and where your health is going.
You may just help take away some unnecessary stress from yourself in doing so. 😉
*Fun Fact - The day I was writing this post, I shared that it was coming out with my client. In our discussions, in a round about way, she had mentioned something about her 4pm coffee she'll have some days each week. THIS sparked a WHOLE OTHER conversation about the impact of caffeine and sleep!! (Post coming shortly 😉 Stay tuned! ) We were both quite excited about playing with this habit as well to create positive change in her sleep quality and quantity.
This also raises the fact that often in health, it's never "just one thing".
Nature is complex. Another argument for looking at the bigger picture over time and not just assuming that health is as clear cut as A+B = C
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